Sae TSUJI

I lived in a place called Nanae until third grade. It’s a town located next to Hakodate, Hokkaido. There was virtually no cars in the streets, and the town was very hilly. So, I used to run against my friends in jump rope races, compete with my friend’s dog, or climb trees. I almost never really played any girl’s games. I was an active girl who was always playing with the boys. I grew up surrounded by nature.

Not at all. Besides, they knew that I wouldn’t listen anyway, even if they tried to stop me.

There are three of us—an older sister, me and a younger brother. My sister was very shy. She loved Sailor Moon and liked to play house or with dolls—very girly. I think you know the type. My little brother is three years younger than me, but he was a modern-day kid who loved playing computer games.

It was when I was three; when my little brother was born with both arms. Before that, I used to ask my mother, “Is my arm going to grow?” She would skirt the issue by saying, “Well, it might. But then again, it might not.” So, I used to hope that my arm would grow as I grew, too. But, the moment I saw my brother being born, I thought, “What? Babies are born with both arms and legs?”

Vividly. I thought, “It doesn’t grow afterward!!” It was a shock to realize that my mother had been lying to me. I had been placing my hopes on her words.

Not at all. Ever since I was little, I could run faster than anyone else. I always came in first place in foot races, whether it was when I was in elementary school, or junior or senior high school. I was always chosen to complete the anchor leg of a relay, so, I never had a need to feel depressed about not having a right hand. Besides, I was pretty good at doing just about anything as a child. So, what I noticed was that other people couldn’t do the things I could, and not the other way around.

Yes, it made me feel happy to think that this teacher would recognize me as a player if I became as good as the others. Before this, people tended to say things to me in a roundabout way. She was the first person to say things so truthfully and very much to the point. I thought I could trust someone like this, so I told her then and there that I would join the club.

I probably did. But I was brought up by my parents as being no different than others. So, to me, it was more about wanting to be “allowed” to do things just like everyone else than about wanting to be “seen” as being the same. After all, I knew in my heart that I had an impairment. And adults were often careful with me, saying things like “Sae, how about you try it this way?”

Since I have no right arm, I am inevitably left handed. Left-handed people usually cover the right side of the court, as seen facing the opponent’s goal. I played either the right back or right wing. The right back tends to create opportunities for offense, while the right winger is the scorer. Right wingers have to be fast, run a lot, and score goals. They step in from a narrow angle to make their shots, so it’s a position that’s better played by a left-handed person.

Never.

It was a prefectural high school, so I had to go through the regular entrance exam process. There was no admission by sports-based recommendation. I joined the handball club wondering just how much I’d be able to excel there. I was full of expectations. But, the level of the handball played in high school was so much higher. On top of that, it was a school with a long history in handball. That meant that when you’re in the first year of senior high, you have to do a lot of things other than practice handball—like washing the team’s senior players’ uniforms. However, there weren’t too many left-handed players on the team at the time, so I was allowed to be on the team from my first year. I even got a chance to play in games. It was a prestigious school to play handball for. The year before I joined, it had won all of the major tournaments—the All-Japan Inter High School Championships, the spring and summer tournaments, and even the National Sports Festival. The thing is, when I joined, I thought, there are things that I can contribute here. Of course, there were a lot of things that was still lacking in terms of my skills, but I felt that there were already things about me at that point that I thought was good enough for playing on their team.

The speed with which I can go from feigning a shot to making the actual shot. I also have an extraordinary obsession with ball possession (laughter). So, if there was a loose ball, I’d try to gain possession, even if it meant that I ended up falling in the process. I was the sort of player who did anything to get the ball away from the opponent. Maybe that was the kind of thing that I was recognized for.

When I was in ninth grade, I tore a ligament in my leg, and I played in my last tournament of junior high school with that injury. I taped it really tight, and I even managed to score goals. But, I thought, I can’t quit like this, when I haven’t been able to play at my best. I felt that I had to continue playing handball after I went on to high school. Then, in February of 11th grade, I tore my ligament again. And one more time in the summer of my senior year. An anterior cruciate ligament usually takes between six months and a year to heal. I told my doctor that I wanted to play in the All-Japan Inter High School Championships, and he said, with some resignation, “Sure, if you don’t mind it getting torn.” I just took that as a “Yes” and said, “Great, I’ll play!”

You know, I had already sacrificed a lot of things to come all the way to Ibaraki Prefecture to play handball. I thought that if I couldn’t play in the tournament that would be the crowning achievement of all of that, it would have made coming out there all the way from Hokkaido totally meaningless.

I didn’t know what I should do. I was feeling very depressed, and I decided to contact Ms. Kobayashi, my old teacher from junior high school. She said, “I think that changing (from handball to athletics) is something that no one else could do, Sae. Why not seize this opportunity to do what you can do right now?” I then also contacted my old teacher from high school, who said to me, “God doesn’t give people a challenge that the person cannot overcome. Besides, I think that this is something that only you could do, Sae.” I trusted these two people completely, and they were the ones who also understood my thoughts well. I thought, “What they say is true,” and I started regaining some of my composure.

Yes, I did. Something else was that I had a clear vision of wanting to become a P.E. teacher. I thought that children would be more interested in a teacher with experience in different sports and also had experience on the global stage. That was when I thought for the first time, “Okay, maybe I’ll give it a try.”

Well, the first thing I did was to see what kind of sports I was suited for. I discovered that I had good instantaneous force, so I thought that if I was going to do something, it should be in athletics. It was right about that time, too, that Tokyo won the bid for the 2020 Olympics and Paralympics. So, I decided, that was what I should aim for. But, I also thought that it would be better to get some experience before taking part in the Tokyo 2020 Paralympic Games. That meant that I needed to take part in the Rio Paralympic Games, which took place before the Tokyo Paralympics. To be able to enter the Rio Paralympics, I had to take part in the World Championships. To be able to enter the World Para Athletics Championships, I had to enter the Japan Para Athletics Championships. When I started planning backwards like that from Tokyo 2020 Paralympic Games, deciding on the short-term goals to get there, I realized that It would be too late for me if I started competing in athletics after completing my four years at university. But I really loved playing handball, and I was a regular member of the team. And I had been told that when the time came, I would be made club captain. So I couldn’t make a clean switchover to athletics straightaway. I stayed that way for about six months, playing handball while also competing in athletics. But my body couldn’t really keep up with doing both.

Atsushi Yamamoto won the gold medal in the long jump at the 2015 IPC Athletics World Championships. I also participated in that world championships, and I was watching the medal award ceremony from up close. When I heard the Japanese national anthem start playing, I thought. “Wow, I want a gold medal too!” I don’t know why, but that was how I felt. In fact, I was so moved that there were tears streaming down my face. It was then and there that I realized that I would never be able to win a gold medal if I continued to stay indecisive and not fully committed to either handball or athletics. The only thing that I could do right now with Rio coming up so close was compete in athletics. I felt a very strong desire to do that. I made the official switch from the handball club to the track and field club in December that year.

Yes, I suppose so. I mean, I thought that it was something that only I could attempt. Even if anyone thought that they wanted to enter an event in the Paralympics, they wouldn’t be able to unless they physically fell under one of the impairment classifications. That’s why I thought it was an excellent opportunity for me.

Things finally started settling down in 2017, and I was able to start training continuously without interruption. It was around then that I realized, “Hey, I can still run!” When you can’t train continuously, you begin losing sight of what your position is at that moment, and you start feeling anxious. Winning the medal in Rio received a lot, and I mean really a lot, of media coverage. My whole world changed, and I couldn’t keep up with what was going on around me. As far as I was concerned, that bronze medal was already something of the past. I had no intention of clinging on to that achievement. I had already had enough attention. I wanted to move onto the next goal. This year, we have the World Championships taking place. That’s where my attention is focused right now as I train.

To win a medal, of course. I hope to mark a time in the 58-second range, but that means that I have to better my current record by nearly one second. I mean, it’s not going to be easy at all (laughter). I can’t imagine being able to achieve that yet, but I think that it would open up a new world for me if I achieve it.